The Attack of the Bunnies
by ScarletDeva
Summary: Anya's nightmare comes to life as bunnies try to take over the world. All-Star Buffy/Angel casts.


Author's Note: Hi everyone. I am co-writing this with **Dootzbugg**. The idea came to me, she loved it and so the story was born.

**Disclaimer**: In this evil reality all Buffy and Angel related stuff belongs to Joss "The Crack-whore" Whedon. The bunnies are mine. Either way, I make no money. Damn!

~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~ Dimension of Pink, Fluffy, Rabid Bunnies 

            The Queen Bunny hops to her throne, drooling, her ears tied with purple ribbons, "It's time to take over the world!!!"

            The bunnies gather in front of a psychedelically colored mirror and bring a tractor full of giant carrots.

            They dump the vegetables on the mirror and it opens into a door.

            All the bunnies hop through into…

Sunnydale, California 

            Anya is in a hurry to get to the Magic Shop.  Xander and a bottle of honey just made her a half hour late.

            The bunnies hop to a rhythm, crossing the street… all in front of the terrified ex-demon's eyes.

            "Oh my God!!!" Anya shrieks and sprints towards the Shop.

            She unlocks the door, her hands shaking, and make a beeline to the phone.

            "Buffy… oh God! Bunnies! I told you they're evil!!! And rabid!!! Do something!!!"

            All of a sudden the room swirls around her.

School Site 

            Anya finds herself in a domed stadium, which has been placed on top of the charred remains of the high school.

            Buffy materializes the second after, "Anya?"

            Anya spots the bunnies down in the arena and there is a huge orange throne with the Queen Bunny in it.  She twitches her nose and Anya shrieks again.

            "Bunnies!!!" she points frantically and Buffy realizes that Anya's hysteria actually has a point.

            She takes the shaking girl's hand and they turn toward the seats.

            Angel is facing off Spike, while Willow is frantically looking for a way to stop them without magic.

            Tara gets tired of the display, "Separate!"

            The vampires slam into opposite walls.

            Riley stands there smirking as Cordelia eyes him suspiciously.

            Oz is standing off to the side, his expression a study of calm.

            Faith is up on a seat, dangling her legs.

            Dawn is attempting to explain what is going on to Gunn.

            Fred is hiding behind Wesley's legs as he and Giles sift through a pileup of books.

Anya spots Xander and sprints towards him with a cry for help.

The bunnies keep hoping about.

Suddenly a shower of pink fur covers the non-bunnies in the area.

Anya goes into catatonic shock.

A loud strangely accented voice speaks, "I am Fluffy, the Bunny Queen. You have three chances to defeat my warrior bunnies. If you fail the world is mine."  She attempts to cackle but chokes on her drool.

The fur clears to reveal a dozen fluffy bunnies with large orange axes.

"I'll go first," Spike growls.

Giles shakes his head, "They aren't demons so you can't fight them."

Spike pouts and flops on the floor.

Faith jumps up, "I'll do it!"

Cordy frowns, "I think not! Someone has better not violate the terms of their parole, missy!"

Buffy sighs tiredly, "I'll go. Though I didn't realize slaying bunnies was in the job description."

At that Angel jumps up, "No, I'll go. I need to redeem myself. Besides they pulled me out of my obligatory midday brood so they must pay."

Angel and Buffy glare at each other.

No one else dares to speak.

Suddenly Riley smirks and grabs Gunn's ax, "I'll go. I'm the best. You'll see Buffy. You'll see Angel is just a weenie head compared to me."  He tears off his shirt, trying to be impressive, and exposes his soft rounded stomach and a small parsley sprig of hair in the center of his chest.  He tries to flex his non-existent six-pack but it just jiggles around.

Angel raises his eyebrow at the ridiculous display, while everyone else tries to stop the deluded commando.  Soon however, seeing his firm determination, it is decided that he won't be missed anyway and he jumps in front of the bunny squad.

He leaps down and trips over his feet, rolls and hits his head with the ax.

The bunnies don't even flinch.

Faith giggles.

Riley shakes his head madly, trying to make his two brain cells work, and slowly gets up.  He swings his ax, almost hitting himself again, and rushes at the bunny squad.

They side step and he winds up crashing into the throne and knocking himself out again.

The Queen Bunny laughs madly and kicks his head.

He is now down to one brain cell and this last one is apparently the only one with sense.  Riley finally understands that he is no match for the bunnies and is a mere bug on Angel's shoe.

"Angel… I'm sorry… save me from these awful bunnies," Riley wails as he sprints away, letting his opponents chase him, merrily swinging their bright weapons.

Angel chuckles, "He's cute when he begs."

Buffy shrugs, "Why do you think I kept him around?"

"Well it sure as hell wasn't the sex," comments Spike.

"And you know that… how?" Dawn arches an eyebrow.

"Never mind that," Faith taps Dawn's shoulder, "watch the action."

Riley stumbles around the arena, dragging his ax behind him and screaming, "I wanna go back to Iowa… I want my mommy!"  The bunnies give chase, their weapons flashing pretty colors and yelling something about giant carrots.

Gunn looks at him quizzically, "I do hope I get my ax back in one piece. He's gonna dull it that way."  He then turns to look at the sneering Angel, "Man, can we kill him before he dulls my ax anymore?"

"Now Gunn," Wesley interjects, "It won't be long before the bunnies get him. Let them have some fun too."

"He's right," Giles nods, "Let's be fair to the bunnies."

Oz cracks a tiny smile.

"Bunnies are evil," Anya whispers, finally woken out of her coma, "And aren't we supposed to save the world?"

Tara pats her head, "Don't worry. We'll do that as soon as the show's over."

The bunnies have surrounded Riley.  Wherever he turns there is a bunny so he is jerking around a small area.

The bunnies begin to dance with glee, their ears flopping about haphazardly.  As soon as he approaches his next tormentor, the bunny cuts him.  He screams.

"Did I mention that my warriors' axes are dusted with salt and oregano?" the Queen Bunny utters idly.

Fred giggles from behind Buffy.

Riley is now covered in tiny cuts.

"Why oregano?" Cordy addresses this to the Queen.

She shrugs, salivating, "It's my favorite garnish."

"It does smell good," Buffy comments, "Makes me want a slice of pizza."

"Well I can conjure some…" Willow says hesitantly, "but I'm not supposed…"

"It's a special occasion Wills," Xander interrupts, "Let's have us a party."

Willow looks at Giles and he smiles in encouragement.

"Well sure this will require years more of therapy but why the hell not," Willow wrinkles her nose and seven boxes of steaming pizza appear.

Tara winks at her and creates a table piled with bottles of Coke and several six packs of blood for the vampires.

The gang digs in and Spike grabs a piece of pepperoni and doses it with blood.

"Spike, you have some really disgusting habits," Xander comments.

"Well what can I say… having gone from a Master vampire to a neutered puppy that has a lust thing for the Slayer… I'm just pathetic," Spike shrugs carelessly.

Riley now looks a bloody Popsicle, flavored with oregano.  He stopped screaming long ago, and now just lies curled up and whimpers.

"He isn't worthy to die by our hands," the leader of the bunny squad states.

"Angel," Giles says thoughtfully, "I do believe you can drink him dry… he's not really human."

"Nah," Angel sips the blood delicately, "He'd give me indigestion."

Buffy saunters over to Spike and caresses his face, "Spikey baby, do me a favor…"

Spike drools, "Anything…"

"Get rid of that… thing," she points at Riley.

 "Gladly," Spike jumps down and lifts his snack, then drags it back up into the stands to settle it in his lap, "Gimme a straw."

Oz tosses him one and he pokes it into Riley's jugular, "Kinda bland but it'll have to do…"

            "You have two chances left," the Bunny Queen.

            "Angel," Buffy looks into his eyes, "let's get these bunnies together, for old times sake."

            Angel is lost in her eyes, as Faith makes hurling sounds much to Anya's amusement, "Yes Buffy, we will get them."

            "Yes, forget the fact that I have died twice to save the world and am about to lose my job because I am killing bunnies instead of grilling pseudo-meat, and let's fight," Buffy declares selflessly.

            It is too much for Angel to take and he grabs her and kisses her passionately, his tongue sliding into her mouth.

            "So… umm what now?" Wesley asks, staring at the couple.

            "Great," Cordy grumbles, "Here we go again with Romeo and Juliet and their forbidden love. I swear if he goes home and broods I will tie-dye all his clothes and put green food coloring in all his blood."

            "Creepy…" Oz states.

            Xander taps the making-out-duo, "Umm we do have this insignificant matter at hand… you know saving the world…?"

            Buffy pulls away and pouts, "Well I want my sword."

            Angel opens his duster and low and behold there are ten different swords there.

            "Those weren't there before," Fred whispers.

            "Shhh, it's magic," Tara pats her head.

            Buffy smiles and pulls out a huge claymore.

            Angel picks a broad sword.

            They leap into the arena gracefully, unlike Riley, and proceed to whirl up a storm of bunny fur.

            Anya shrieks, the fur terrifying her again.

            When it clears, Buffy and Angel are half naked and making out.

            "Oh Angel, I don't care if you become an evil villain with a penchant for leather pants who will kill all of my friends," Buffy squeezes his ass, "Take me now."

            "Yes, I don't care that I will lose my soul and Willow will have to yet again break her promise not to use magic to re-curse me with a soul so I can suffer the pangs of my conscience," Angel sweeps her off her feet, "I will take you now."

            "You killed my squad," the Queen sobs, "You win. No fair."

            Angel and Buffy ignore her for the sake of more kissage.

            "Hey, you're really cute together," Queen Fluffy realizes, "I will go home now and watch you through my magic mirror."  She waves a furry paw, "Oh and I am giving you a permanent soul so I can watch you hump a lot. Bunnies like that you know…"

            She disappears in a cloud of pink fur.

            Angel and Buffy ignore everything, tearing off each others' clothes.

            Spike finishes his Riley-snack and eyes Willow, "Hey you're kind of cute."

            Willow looks back and drops her slice, "You are too."

            He stands up and grabs her and they lock in a passionate embrace.

            "Hey Anya?" Xander has an idea, "Let's go to Vegas."

            "And get married?" she likes the idea.

            He nods and she dashes quickly, pulling him along. 

            Oz and Tara watch Spike and Willow make out.

            Then Oz looks at his ex-girlfriend's ex-girlfriend, "You know I can see what Willow saw in you.

            Tara looks at the werewolf, "Yeah, I can see what Willow saw in you too, and I don't care if you turn into a werewolf and try to eat me."

            He smiles and they run off to make out in a closet.

            Faith watches all the hormones fly and decides she wants some of it too, "You know Giles, you're sexy for an old man."

            "Well, umm, you're… a… sexy… for a reformed… a… psycho killer," he wipes his glasses then throws them away as Faith kisses him.

            Dawn is tired of watching all of this and decides to go back to town and find herself a cute boy… or girl… or demon…  So she skips away merrily.

            Wesley decides that it's time to live up to his motorcycle and leather pants and sweeps up Fred and plants one on her.

            She sighs happily and kisses him back.

            Cordy and Gunn are the last ones left.

            "Oh what the hell," she cries out, "Let's find a motel."

            "I'm up for it," he takes her hand and they leave.

            The world is saved yet again… from bunnies…? But at least the heroes and the heroines get some!


End file.
